Odd Kart Racing Time
by Blossercubbles
Summary: Has adult situations...usually implied. They team up and have a grand old time battling on the race track! Go them!
1. The Beginning, With Invitations

The Invitation and Partner Choosing

Note: I shall try to update this Mario Kart fiction on Sundays. That means once a week, so there. If I don't, too bad for me and all of you, because I was probably shot and killed. Good luck, and man juices speed. Teehee, inside joke! Anyway, I own not the Mario Kart characters or tracks in this fiction, but I do own the fiction.

* * *

Mario was enthralled by the arrival of the post paratroopa that fine Saturday morning, since there was expected to be an invitation for himself to join the annual Mario Kart tournament. This time, though, instead of being alone in the kart, one could have a teammate! Mario was looking forward to having Peach ride in the back, holding on to him and giving him sweet nothings to his ear. He sighed and was rudely awakened by the post paratroopa slamming into his door.

"Ouch!" it wailed in a loud, scratchy voice. "Mail call! Mario, you have a few bills and an invitation! Not that I was checking, since that is illegal."

Mario shrugged and took his mail. He threw the bills into the trash by the door, since bills were of no importance in the Mushroom Kingdom, due to the lack of real currency. "Thank you ever so much, my dear mail man."

The paratroopa looked at him quizzically. "What was that?"

"Practice for asking Peach to be my partner in the kart race," Mario responded, giving a sly smile and eyebrow raise.

"Oh. Don't do it to me again," said the mail paratroopa, flying off with a bag of invitations for the rest of the motley crew throughout the Mushroom kingdom.

Mario sighed and ripped open the invitation. Remarkable, it began with the words 'You are invited!' and had a poorly scrawled 'Mario' after that. In fact, all the names were just random squiggles, and you were supposed to know that it was your name. So the signature for Peach, Toad, Bowser, and Jeremy Binks were all the same.

"I can't believe I am invited to the annual Mario Kart race! Yay!"

Luigi entered the doorway, not happy. "Why wasn't I invited?"

"Because you suck!"

"Bugger off!"

"And we can have partners this time!" Mario was giggling like a giddy, drunken, eight-year-old school girl.

Luigi perked up. "Really? And whom may you be inviting, dearest brother?"

"Not you. I'm off to get my love!" Mario cantered off, leaving Luigi to sulk and put voodoo curses on him while he was away.

* * *

"Hooray! I was invited to the Peach invitational! Also known as the Mario Kart race thingy!" cried Peach after receiving her invitation via mail paratroopa. "Whom can be my partner?"

Daisy, who had not received an invitation, was drinking spiked tea in the background, not listening.

Peach cleared her throat loudly, stirring Daisy from her reverie. "I said: who shall I invite as my partner?"

"Oh, well, you can try...Toad. He is your servant, after all." Daisy fell asleep, since the tea was spiked with sleeping powder and something like Toadette spit.

"Sigh," said Peach. Just then, Mario walked up the path, screaming at a stalker bee that was attacking him. As soon as he saw Peach outside, he immediately shot the bee with his laser vision and put on his happy, manly man face.

"Good day, lovely Peach," he said, giving her his hand.

"Why are you giving me your hand?" Peach asked, puzzled. "That is a womanly thing to do."

"Sorry," spouted Mario. He continued to talk, but Peach ignored him, so it is obviously not important to write down. Basically, it was ending with "So, dear Peach, will you be in my kart for the race?"

Peach said, "I'm flattered, but I simply don't like you very much. Sorry." She went over to the passed out Daisy and took away the tea cup. "Tea?"

Mario was crestfallen, but then sprang back to happiness by being able to touch anything Peach had touched. "Oh, yes, please!" He drank the tea and passed out immediately.

"Sigh," Peach said again. She entered her castle, and spotted Toad near a kettle, brewing what appeared to be a noxious potion of...something or other. It was very popular in the world of Steve.

Toad looked at Peach and then at the invitation still folded in her hands. "Oh. The race. Are you asking me?"

"I never said that."

"Good. I'm not going."

Toadette came down the stairs in silk lingerie, and noted the princess and the two passed out guests. "Hey, Toad, baby. Are we going to the race thingy?"

"Don't you know it, pooch face!"

They scampered off, in love. The poisonous liquid bubbling on the stove scared Peach out of the kitchen, and she went over to the Mario household. Not surprisingly, Luigi was there, a bottle of watered down vodka in his hand. He was mumbling to himself.

"Mumble, mumble," he said. No one understood what he actually mumbled. Peach walked up to him, slowly.

"Hi."

"Mumble, hi."

"Want to go to the race with me?"

"Sure, mumble."

"Great. Pick you up at the race time. I'm driving."

"Fine, mumble."

"Yay." She left.

* * *

The cold, dark mansion of Bowser was deserted. Except for the fact that Bowser and his son, now named Gregory, were there, and that pesky mail paratroopa.

"Go die," Bowser said, welcoming the guest. "I will kill you if you do not supply me with something special, like a Mario Kart invitation."

The mail paratroopa gave Bowser the invitation and then ran off, cowering and leaving a puddle of urine in his wake. Bowser laughed, and Gregory soon followed, since he has no personality other than to copy his daddy.

"Yes!" Bowser cried. "I am going to kill everyone ever just to win the race!" He laughed menacingly.

Gregory laughed too, and then screamed, "I am going with you!"

Bowser grumbled. "Damn."

Gregory laughed again, and then he was knocked out by his father, who accepted his invitation.

* * *

Mario woke up. Daisy woke up. They looked at each other. Everything was cloudy, and it managed to make them both seem irresistible to the other. The James Bond porno music blared from no where, and then the love making began. It was hot, humid, and drugged. It stopped after about three minutes, and Mario popped the question. She said yes.

* * *

That annoying, stupid, mail paratroopa came by to the big man himself, Wario. The fat, lazy, fat man gave a hearty laugh at the invitation and then screamed for his beer buddy to come outside and see the sunlight.

Waluigi came out and Wario wasn't surprised at all. He always knew Waluigi was gay. "So," Wario started, "would you like to ride in my kart all day long?"

"Well, I've never done that with a man before," Waluigi said timidly.

"It's a bumpy ride, but I think you can handle it."

"Okay, then. Let's do it!"

"Great! Now we are teammates!"

"Good job, mate!" Waluigi dropped the beer he was carrying and began to jump up and down until he vomited happily.

Wario stopped smiling and began to sing. This is when we leave for the next area.

* * *

"Petey, you come back here!" Diddy yelled at the hopping/flying bird/plant thing that had just taken his 'cousin' away from him. "I need him for my experiments!"

The plant/bird thing laughed and pooped on Diddy, who passed out from the stench. The mail paratroopa came by, dropping an invitation in the crap on Diddy's head and throwing one at Petey Piranha, who fell out of the sky (a whole two inches) and crashed to the ground, killing three people.

"Bellow, bellow?" it bellowed., picking up the invitation. It scanned it and then told Donkey Kong that they were a team for the race. Donkey Kong fainted.

Diddy was still unconscious when Petey left to perform various sexual acts on the big monkey. After about three hours, a friendly koopa popped out of the ground and ate the crap that had been suffocating the poor wee monkey. Diddy jumped to life, fully animated again and cried happily at his rescuer. "Oh, please join me in whatever this invitation is, since I haven't read it yet and know not that it is the Mario Kart invitation!"

The koopa nodded, almost in tears himself, because he didn't want to go with the insane mad scientist monkey. Diddy ripped open the invitation, accidentally killing another person. He read it and beamed, letting his new koopa friend that he would be riding in a car with himself.

Koopa screamed in panic and passed out. Perhaps the poop that had come from Petey's anus finally reacted in his brain. Anyway, Diddy went over to the koopa and kissed him passionately, knowing that they would be married immediately. There was a priest, and Diddy ordered their vows to be said right now, or else someone would be killed.

"Okay," the priest said, eager to get back to his church choir of boys. "You're married now to the passed out koopa. Have a good life."

"Thank you," Diddy called after the priest and then quickly stripped for the honey moon.

* * *

"Mail paratroopa!" yelled Baby Mario at the top of his lungs, watching as the mail guy crashed into a tree and fell to the ground, dead.

"Let's play with it!" Baby Luigi cried, happy for a while.

"Okay!" Baby Mario agreed. They crawled over to the body and did a lot of things to it, like stick their feet in various orifices, and crawling up his anus to meet the othe4r by the nose. It was all very exciting, and they stole all the mail and read it.

Among the love letters and naughty photos of Gregory, they found their invitation, along with the invitation for Yoshi and paratroopa. "Let's play with it!" Baby Luigi cried, happy again.

"Okay!" Baby Mario said, shoving the letters down his diaper and giving them a nice squash between his freshly browned cheeks.

"I want some!" Baby Luigi said, sticking his hands down Baby Mario's diaper for a letter. It was poop covered and smelly, so he put it in his mouth.

Together, they giggled, until Baby Luigi passed out, probably from being electrocuted by the evil, headless zombie behind him.

Baby Mario took Baby Luigi's hand and gave it a squeeze, to let him know that he was there for him. "Let's be partners in the race, not that I can read, so I cannot tell what the invitation said."

And so they did, happily ever after.

* * *

A magical breeze had removed Baby Mario's diaper and sent it flying through the air and into Yoshi's porridge. Yoshi cursed in his Yoshi language. Then he read the poop-stained note and wailed in delight. He ran into the dining hall and told Birdo about it. She didn't understand his native tongue, and she just nodded and said stuff about cheese. He madly agreed. Now they are partners in the race, and Birdo is in the guild of suicide contemplators and presidential assassinators.

* * *

Although they didn't get an invitation, the paratroopa and King Boo knew about the race and also knew that they had to be partners, since everyone else was taken. "So," said King Boo. "It is so nice to meet you. I guess we are partners."

"Yeah, I guess," said paratroopa.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"So..."

"Yeah..."

The James Bond porno music began to play and then they made hot, passionate love, breaking the ice completely. They were happy to be partners, not only in the race, but in life.

* * *

Now everybody has a partner and everyone is blissfully happy, ready to get this race underway. And now for the rules. There are none, other than the fact that some team will not continue to the next leg of the races. Every chapter (except this one) will have someone kicked out, depending if they lost or not. Yeah. And the standings are important for the rest of your lives. Hey! That was funny. Not really. I like purple.


	2. Luigi Raceway

The First Leg of the Race, Thereby Meaning the Beginning

Everyone was excited. Really very excited. So excited. In fact, most of them were sleeping or in a drugged fashion of unconsciousness. Anyway, the day had come for the first race, and it was to be held on the Luigi Raceway, which made Luigi very happy. So happy, that he did a striptease for everybody in a castle in Nantucket. So, the partners all met together and decided on their kart. The story begins now, as the racers are preparing to start, all waiting behind the finish line.

"The racers are setting up their crap, and we are going to welcome them...later," the announcer said, removing his pants up in the commentary tower. "Okay, I guess we can go now, since I'm not wearing any pants. First off, at the head of the pack, is the heart coach, a kart for Peach, who will be driving, and Luigi, the man with the green fireballs.

"Next up, there is the driver Toad and his sweetheart throwing her goods out back in their every-so-friendly kart, Toad Kart. What an interesting name. Oh! This just in, I have changed the name of Toad Kart to Sexy Chicken. Good for them!

"Next on the list of people driving and throwing up, is Bowser, who of course is the driver, as no one can break this testosterone, and his son Gregory, the wimpy kid in the back, hurling big shells that obviously did not come from his back. They will be driving today in their Koopa King kart, the bastards.

"The next lovely contestant is Mario, who shall be driving the Green Fire kart and have Daisy try to hold on in a desperate attempt to kill as many onlookers as possible. Let's hope they aren't stashing drugs in their trunk.

"Following those silly geese, there are Wario and Waluigi, the driver and item thrower respectively, and they will be riding the long, hard, and shiny Wario Car. Now, it has come to my attention that Waluigi is gay, so I'm hoping he has a special item to throw, like a perverse sex toy or something. Not that I would like that or anything....

"Anyway, we continue with Petey Piranha driving the silver Boo Pipes around, with his kidnapped convict Donkey Kong crying in the rear. The poor big boy must have been raped and molested for ours last night, and now he is completely broken up, not able to throw anything out the kart.

"His 'nephew' that probably came out his ass and also known as Diddy Kong will be driving his new husband/wife thing, the koopa troopa in his very own Barrel Train. Good for them, getting hitched right before a new race begins. Gee, I hope they don't get nervous and start to make mad love in the front seat....

"Continuing, we have the two annoying baby children, Baby Mario and Baby Luigi playing with the stolen Bullet Basher and riding it all day long. Baby Mario will drive whilst Baby Luigi flings poo at the other contenders.

"Second to last, and probably least, is Yoshi driving his pride and joy, the Turbo Birdo. He crafted it himself, because he is insane and wants to shoot his man juices all over the poor, lonely Birdo, who is the evil villain in almost every game ever and has suddenly become a good person. She will be hurling eggs that randomly hatch from her nose at random people, probably killing a lot of random celebrities.

"Finally, we have the losers, King Boo, who is very pretty and the item thrower, and its new-found lover paratroopa, who will drive and hand over all of his rock-hard nuts, also known as shells to have massaged and ejaculated from the kart. Yeah, that's it.

"Here we go, beginning out on Luigi's raceway and ready for the race to begin! Let's not get too much gore here today on this fine afternoon. Okay, they look pumped up and ready to blow. Here we go, the horns are blaring and I have a full erection. Well, time to jerk the party stick! Good-bye, and enjoy the show."

Down on the track, the racers were sweating with intense want for violence and winning. The cloud- hanging Lakitu floated by, holding the stop light thing. It flashed red, then yellow, then green. The race began with a flash of gasoline and a tiny explosion from Waluigi.

"I'm sorry!" he screamed, causing his kart and Petey's kart to swirl in circles, making them dead last for the beginning. Wario laughed at his insolence and flew into the race, leaving Petey and Donkey Kong alone, where Petey swiftly touched the genitalia of the huge ape and then raced into action.

Mario laughed at the antics of his nemesis and prepared for the first corner turn on the race track. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a shell coming from Diddy Kong's kart. He yelled to Daisy, but she was stoned and couldn't hear a thing. They were hit full force, causing them to fly into the air, allowing passage for the little monkey and his spouse to get into the lead. "Damn you! Damn you both! Damn all three of you!" He stomped on the gas, and was not surprised to hear Luigi squeal at the sight of his car in pain.

"You do know that that is my kart, don't you?" Luigi reached over and kidnapped the poor Princess Daisy and then pushed Mario's kart off the street, laughing. Peach chimed in with her few words of kindness, but they aren't important now. Peach turned into second place, and Luigi aimed a green fireball at Diddy Kong and koopa.

Mario cursed again, and then laughed hysterically at the loss of his partner, who he saw thrown from the kart as a weapon. She splattered all over Toad and Toadette, who were making out in fourth place. They looked at the dead body and screamed, then decided to throw it at fifth place, Baby Mario and Baby Luigi, who immediately began to play with it, after pulling over, of course.

King Boo was crying with glee at the sight of all the destruction, and he tried to lick the seventh place contender, Yoshi, but missed and had an egg thrown down his throat by Birdo. He began to choke and die, then realized he was a ghost and flew threw his kart and onto Yoshi. He giggled and began to bash in his head, spilling some brain juice on the track and then licking it up. Paratroopa yelled for King Boo to come back, since nothing can be done without an item thrower. He did, after pulling out the engine of the Turbo Birdo.

Yoshi looked back at Birdo and told her to push the kart through the finish line. Since she still did not understand, especially since the speaker now had brain damage, she nodded and smiled. Then she was forced to push the kart for the remainder of the race.

In eighth place, Bowser chuckled over his latest prize, a bomb stolen from Wario, who was in ninth place. He handed it to Gregory, and he promptly dropped it, spilling himself and his father all over the track. Bowser screamed and almost bit his son's head clean off when a voice from the gods told him to make love, not war. As it turned out, that was not a godly message, but more of an odd random quote from Waluigi, who passed them and became the new eighth place winners.

Bowser began to cry and hugged his child close. Gregory vomited repeatedly, but couldn't break the hold. He began to lose consciousness, and then started to lose the ability to breathe. He died in his daddy's arms, also crying from lack of oxygen. Poor Gregory. Bowser quickly jumped back on his kart, taking the dead body of his son with him, tied to the rear bumper. He was not in last place yet.

The two actually in last place were Petey and Donkey. Donkey was still crying and using his items on Petey, who would then turn around and slap Donkey hard. Donkey did eventually manage to tear a large hole in Petey's cartilage, and crawled inside to correct the damage something had done to make him a sex predator. Petey never noticed.

* * *

"With the first lap done," the announcer said, staring at a large, wet white spot on the glass in front of him, "we have our current standings. Those are as follows: Diddy and koopa in first, Peach and Luigi in second, Mario in third, Toad and Toadette in fourth, Baby Mario and Baby Luigi in fifth, King Boo and paratroopa in sixth, Yoshi and Birdo slowing in seventh, Wario and Waluigi in eighth, and in ninth Bowser and the dead body, and dead last we have Petey and what appears to be a huge cancerous blob shaped like Donkey Kong in his head. Thank you for staying with us this long, and I have some important documents to manage. They are from some sea men..." The announcer trails off and licks the white goo on the announcers window. The race is renewed with Diddy and koopa dodging a rather craftily thrown banana.

"You're good at this," Peach exclaims to Luigi, who nods vigorously, throwing another banana and actually causing the winners to spin.

Diddy screamed obscenities like never before, even inventing new ones just to top the horrid sayings he said. He ended with: "You fucktards!" He shook his fist, gave his spouse a hard kiss on the lips and hopped on his kart, ready for action.

Now in first place, Peach and Luigi were quite content. They began to sing show tunes, like the theme to Into the Woods and that cool pop, six song from Chicago, and that nice little Cabaret tune from Cabaret. Anyway, they were winning, so they did whatever the freak they wanted.

Diddy, not happy with second place, starts flinging poo all over the track, since that is what angry monkeys are prone to do in these situations. Well, he has horrible aim, and actually manages to drive into his own poop build-up on the track. He crashes, and nearly drowns in the stool. He gets back on his kart though, and he tries to battle through the shit, now in third place.

Yes, Mario was able to slide past him in a last minute shuffle of his feet. He actually picked up his kart and jumped over the poop wad, yelling at the enraged Diddy in the process. Then he cheered, as he was in second and could fawn over Peach with no interruptions from his drugged out dead partner.

Toad was not as lucky, and while he was making out with is girlfriend, he slammed into Diddy's kart, spitting up blood in Toadette's mouth. He has lost a tooth in the crash. He jumped out of the car and stomped over to Diddy, still stuck in his fecal matter.

"What do you think you are doing here? Get out of that car. Now," he yelled, holding a large shotgun at the monkeys head. "If you don't get out now, I will have to shoot you." The monkey only sat there, pooping in his pants again. "Fine," Toad says, shooting a tire on the kart. "I wouldn't actually kill you, idiot! I'm well too nice. Tata!"

Toad jumps back into the kart and rides over the drying poop. Toadette asks, "What was that about?" And she swallows that tooth.

"Stop asking questions, woman!" Toad yells, shoving his gun in his pants, and then making out some more with his girl, still driving.

Diddy cries in anguish, looking behind him and screaming as two more karts come whizzing by the shit hole. "You shall not pass!" he cried, shaking his fist and shoving both feet on the accelerator. They don't pay attention, due to Baby Mario is playing with Daisy's decapitated head, practicing kissing, and Baby Luigi is reading up on child psychology, and King Boo was piercing his tongue, and paratroopa was busy driving.

Baby Mario pees on Diddy as he flies by, magically catching a rainbow over the poop pile. Diddy screams in agony, the pain of defeat. Paratroopa is nicer, and gives King Boo some shells to throw, which he does, postponing his tongue piercing. Diddy begins to bleed, and then becomes a spouse beater, hitting the koopa repeatedly for no reason at all. Oh, and paratroopa used his wings to get over the pile of turd.

Koopa screamed at Diddy for a divorce, which was never to be, for they were in sixth place and no divorce lawyer would arrive there until the race is over, in the next chapter. Diddy cries again, and gets out of the kart, finally pushing it out of the defecation pile. He is in a trance, and drives his poop covered vehicle slowly toward the finish line, one tire dead. So he rapes his spouse's shell to use as a wheel.

Birdo is slowly making progress through the race, pushing with all her might, and starting to bleed with her muscles taut. She begins to chant a Chinese slave song, and then realizes that she can make an engine out of an egg from her nose. She willed one be, and then began to mold it into an engine. Yoshi was wondering why they weren't moving, and he inquired about it to Birdo, who only nodded and smiled, complete with her task. She ran up to the front of the kart and shoved the engine in, happy. Yoshi stares at her and then plants a huge lick on her face. She flinches and is paralyzed. Yoshi tried to bring her back, but she is nearly run over by Bowser and the dead boy riding recklessly towards them. The fear of Bowser's laughter causes Yoshi to be paralyzed, and they both stay there until Wario and Waluigi also pass, and then they wake up from a bomb to the head.

Birdo hops in the back, and Yoshi hops in the front, and together, they drive off toward the finish line, getting much better time. Wario is laughing menacingly, and Birdo finds some pleasure in throwing televisions at him whenever his mouth is open, since he doesn't notice the foreign object lodged in his throat. Waluigi is too timid to bring it up, so he just laughs with him, trying not to notice the televisions flying into his friend's mouth. Or wide open trap.

Suddenly, Wario stops driving, since the twenty-seven televisions have closed off his trachea and he can no longer breathe. Waluigi give him the Heimlich and mouth to mouth resuscitation, giggling with pleasure. It wasn't enough to bring them up a placing, though. Yoshi swerved ahead of them in seconds flat.

Petey is upset at being in tenth, and last, place. He starts to get blurry eyed and then decides to drain his feelings with some alcohol. So he does, and then they crash into a brick wall with Luigi's smiling face on it. Petey is upset again, but after the fiftieth bottle of alcoholic beverage, he got better.

So, they all pass the finish line at separate times, blah, blah, blah. Nothing eventful happened for the final lap, and nobody wants to listen to the same thing happening to these goofs again, so we won't. There was a lot of cursing, passing, punching, drinking, and whoring, but nothing really important. The ten karts, and twenty racers eagerly awaited the final results of the first race.

The announcer, barely visible through the sea of man-juices filling the booth, begins to speak, happy for the end of the show. "Well, the first race is over, and thank you Luigi Raceway for such a fabulous race! That poop wall was quite interesting, I must say. Anyway, one of you ten couples will not return to this damned thing the second time. Good job, idiots!

"I feel that it is time to announce the winners, since that is what announcers do! Yes, here it goes! In first place, is the amazing Peach and her partner of mass destruction, Luigi! Good job, you two. The fight is worth it, dears! Second place is the wonderful Mario! And his partner was drugged out, and then robbed from the kart, beaten, decapitated, and I believe blown to pieces. The poor bitch. Good job, Mario and your drugged, deceased friend.

"Third houses Toad, the pimp man, and Toadette, the whore woman. Okay, so they are nice people, but really, they are bosses to the underworld of prostitution. Well, they worked well to get in third place, so great for you! Fourth place is the two Baby children, Luigi and Mario. But they have diapers and bigger hats. Naked, gross, poopy, nudity, and poop. Okay, they smelled and played their way to fourth, and I am proud of them.

"And in fifth, leading the second half of losers, would be Paratroopa and King Boo, who was not successful with that tongue piercing. Yeah, he can't talk any longer, poor pussy-face. Wow...that sounds good. Hey! Slave! Get me that girl's dead body, will you? Thanks! Anyway, people, here are your fifth placers! And the sixth placed stupid monkey who flings poo and his 'special friend' should die next. Anyway, good for you four, for being failures.

"Oh, thank you ever so much, slave." The announcer takes off his pants, and then rapes Daisy's dead body. A lot. Really. It is quite gross, especially since there is blood everywhere and there is no head. So...yeah...and then he explodes and there are more man-juices and blood everywhere in the booth, the weirdo. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. Seventh is Bowser and his dead child, eighth is Yoshi and Birdo."

Bowser screamed at the announcer guy. "My son is not dead! He fell asleep from all the excitement! He can't die! Not while I'm watching over him like the plague!"

The announcer continued. "Okay, and we go on to ninth place, which is..." Suspense. "Wario and Waluigi! And Wario is alive now! No more televisions down that trap! No, none at all. And in tenth, the losers, are Petey Piranha. And that cancerous wart on his head. Great, he'll die. Woot. That's why he is kicked out forever! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHFAILUREHAHAHAHAAHFUCKYOUTURDHAHA!"

Yay! The race is over! At least the first one, as there will be more. Duh. So, the freaking story continues, and the next chapter will have no race, but the resting period in between races. Yeah, I lied. Screw you, too. But in a loving way, of course. I love all of you! Let's...never mind, that is too graphic. So, good day until next time!


	3. Resting

Chapter 3: The World of Sleeping

Peach was sleeping, as was her partner, Luigi. They were both wearing pink and had just finished playing a new game called "Let's dress like women and pretend to be lesbians who are really high and like to play with each other while still wearing pink dresses because no one can know that we are closeted lesbians fondling each other game". It was Luigi's idea.

Her glove off, Peach moved, still sleeping, but without one glove. She was quite happy to have won the race, and she treasured her dream of sleeping and dreaming about sleeping and dreaming and winning. She woke and pulled her glove back on her arm, since it is unnatural to have her arm showing. It's impossible.

"Wow! What a splendid day!" Removing a frying pan from her dress, she slapped Luigi over the head, causing a little spurt of blood to shoot out of his smiling mouth and land on Toad who was passing by. He cursed, gave them the finger, and then peed on the mailbox. Toadette was also there, and she watched him urinate, commented on how 'big' he was, and then commenced to perform various unmentionable things on him.

Luigi woke, his eyes very wide from the strike and laughed for no reason, showing his reddened smile. "Hello, Peach! What a great day, huh?" he said, shaking and swaying. Standing and falling down, unconscious.

"You bastard!" Peach yelled, slapping him and screaming. Tears poured down her face and she wailed unhappily, disturbing the sexy sex that was occurring by the mailbox. Eventually, through the tears and sex, Toadette stopped pleasuring and walked up to the princess, a little bow-legged due to random something that she had done in the recent past.

She raised a paw and asked politely, "You fucking bitch! What the hell do you think you're doing, fucktard? Shut your fucking face and then shove it up your ass, since that's what you're going to do! Damn it all to fucking hell! Could you please stop wailing about your period and SHUT THE FUCK UP?!"

Quickly, Peach cried, was shot with fake breast implants, and then passed out, tired and scared. She was in the fetal position, very, very frightened of the violent Toadette.

Toadette, on the other hand, briskly skipped back to her lover, who was angrily masturbating due to his lack of sex at that moment. He was holding a magazine picturing naked power tools.

"What're you doing, big boy?"

"I'm…uh…" Toad stuttered, trying to hide his naughty magazine. There was nowhere to put it, so he placed it gently (via shoving) up his butt, squealing in pain. "Nothing…nothing at all…"

Silence.

Toad broke it with a hammer and said, "Let's have sex!"

"Okay!"

Naked! Sex! Gross, grotesque sweater wearing she-monkeys with huge knockers that play chess!

* * *

Mario stared at his dead partner. Not actually the whole body, since parts were still missing around the short track of Luigi Raceway. "Poor Daisy…" he mourned. "You were so young and…not as good as Peach."

He then commenced to remove his pants and then stood with a full erection, since dead bodies turned him on. In the coffin, waiting and hiding, were only three body parts. The torso, half the head, and an arm. The left one, actually. "I'm sorry about this, dead body of Daisy. But I'm going to have to have necrophilia sex with you, as long as you're wearing this Peach mask I made with my own vomit. Yes, vomit. I was trying to lose weight."

Mario removed the soggy Peach mask from his undies and shoved it over the dead half-face of Daisy. Blood seeped onto the pretty vomit and Mario laughed for no reason. He then commenced gross, disgusting sex with the legless body, pretending full-heartedly that it was Peach and not a cold cadaver.

* * *

The two babies crawled over themselves, trying to eat their own asses. It was not very successful, and they settled to just licking each other's anuses. It was fun, and just learned that it may be called 69, which makes sense.

"You're butt is smelly!" Baby Mario cried out to Baby Luigi.

Baby Luigi returned the favor and pooped a diarrhea-like bile from his butt, covering all of Baby Mario. Baby Mario smiled and then commenced licking madly, trying to eat it all, because it was good.

"Thank you, Baby Luigi!"

"You're welcome. The pressure was too much." Suddenly, Baby Luigi stopped licking and then laid back, sleeping. It is a pattern to have babies and Luigis sleep, so yes. His snoring wakes a bug-monster in the hills of Switzerland and that monster comes bounding by and attempts to kill the two babies, but is stopped by something.

That something may have very well been a vomit emitted from Baby Luigi's mouth or his nose, or possibly the fact that Baby Mario managed to crawl into the beast through one of his smallest orifice, one that should not have things go inside, and also made a living by urinating. Or maybe not. No one knows. There.

The babies wake, get out of the dead beast and then cry, because they are kind of cute when they cry. The tears make waterfalls of salty water flying around everywhere, wetting everything and causing severe drowning in Mongolia. Then, the two criers learn to make each other drink their own tears, and they are happy, which stops the tears. They are puzzled.

They cry.

Then they stop, happy, since they are now drinking their own tears. Then they start again.

The cycle goes on forever. They just don't get it.

* * *

The hurt King Boo, holding his tongue, held his tongue. And he was tearing. Only a little, because he was a strong individual, and refused to cry for long. His lovely partner, Paratroopa, flapped his wings and then stared at himself in the full-length mirror, kissing the reflection.

"Miyash toushgie," wailed King Boo. He was trying to say 'my tongue', but failed miserably because it (his tongue) was bleeding off. And then, it fell out. King Boo screamed very loudly.

Paratroopa, pissed that his gorgeous body was just shaken by a loud tremor through the air, shot his shell at the wailing King, and then put it back on and gawked longer at his voluptuous body.

The poor, large boo fell to the floor, sitting in a pool of ghost blood and ghost urine. He frantically tried to get his tongue to stick back in his mouth, but it didn't really work, since it fell out again. And again. And again. So he used glue! Hair glue! It stung!

Paratroopa, above the stupid King's gallivanting, began to get this warm feeling while staring endlessly at his reflection. He was so turned on…that he…and then he…oh…yeah…that is what…really good….yes…oh yeah….

And then! King Boo, with his tongue back in his mouth, will forever speak with an 'sh' for all vowels. "Sh gsht sht! Thshnk thsh gshds! Sh lshvsh thshs!" He jumped up and did a small jig of happiness, oblivious of the sex in the background and the blood dripping out of his mouth.

And they lived happily forever after!

* * *

Petey, being the mad floating thing, floated madly with his tumor on his brain, eating away. He was gripping a coconut, and gripping it madly while floating. Floating, he was mad with tumor-ism.

Anyway, the tumor formerly known as Donkey Kong began to sing, which was horrendous, much like other things that changed their names. The brain that was acting as a microphone began to pound and blood soaked the mouth of Tumor.

The song got louder and louder and louder and louder and louder and louder and louder and etc. etc.

Petey began to madly float and pick flowers happily. Slash madly. Picking flowers. Anyway.

His head blew up. Tumor, which is his new name, flew out happily singing, and then stopped when he furiously hit the ground, in a bloody heap of brain matter.

"I feel pretty," Tumor said to himself, swimming in the brain goo. "Let's go party!"

He grabbed the carcass of Petey and danced wildly away, all the while whistling a wonderful song. He skipped while dancing while whistling while pooping. All the while happy.

* * *

In the dark, pretty, fiery castle, Bowser held his dead son Gregory in one hand. "Oh, son…Aren't you happy that we didn't lose?"

Gregory, dead, did not respond.

"I know you are! What's that?" He holds up the carcass to his ear. "What boy? Huh? Tea? You want some tea? Okay! Whatever you want!"

Jumping to his feet, he clenches his fists, crunching Gregory and causing the last remaining blood in his poor little body to erupt through the small slits of fingers. "Damn…" Bowser mutters.

"Why in all fuck did this happen to me!?" He throws his arms in the air and screams in pain.

Then, a pink fairy flies down and strips for him! He is happy, until the fairy speaks.

"You, good sir, are not a good sir!"

"What the hell? Stop talking, bitch! Take off your clothes!"

"I certainly will not! Pig! Whore!"

"I am not a whore! If I were a whore, then I would be having steamy sex with you right now!"

"Well, why aren't you?"

"I..uh…" He then has steamy sex with the fairy.

"Why the hell did you do that to me?"

"You asked me to!" He was puzzled.

"I did no such thing!"

"Why aren't you stripping?"

"Because I am not a whore like you!"

"If I were a whore, then I would be having so much sex with you that I would be shooting blanks for a week!"

"Well?"

He then has so much steamy sex with the pink fairy that he shoots blanks for a week, not that this is taking that long, since a week would have already taken one race, so there.

"Why did you do that to me?"

"Didn't you like it?"

"That's not the point!"

"You are asking for it big time, bitchy-yang-yang."

"What?"

Bowser kills her. Then he surveys the room and noticed everything upturned except for the body of Gregory, which was stuck on the upturned leg of a chair.

"Why are you watching me like that? Freaky!" He then torches the body, notices the crispy outer layer and then eats him. "Ah…good times…"

* * *

Yoshi, quite angry that they had lost, threw many a things at Birdo. She dodged them, or let them enter her nose/mouth and then shot them right back at him. She didn't understand his loud rants, so she added some of her own, and then vomited eggs at his face. Yoshi was even more angry. So, this continues for a while and nothing happens, so goodbye.

* * *

Diddy, quite angry that they had lost, threw many a things at Koopa Troopa. He dodged them, or let them hit the divorce documents he held firmly in his hand. He didn't understand his loud rants, so he held out the felt-tip pen to make the monkey sign. Diddy was even more angry at that. So, it continues, until Koopa Troopa cries in his shell, huddled in the fetal position and knowing his curse of being a battered wife.

* * *

"My esophagus feels better!" Wario wailed too loudly, for he has no control over his voice.

"That's so good!" Waluigi snapped his hand out and patted Wario's plump buttocks, then snapped his hand back.

"What the hell?" Wario looked around suspiciously and noticed no one around. "Who touched my ass?"

"Nobody here, so you imagined it." Waluigi shrugged, then waited for Wario to continue walking. He then spanked him again.

"What!" He snapped back, but he was too late to see Waluigi's hands of evil.

"No one is here, so don't worry. I'm sure it will never happen again."

"Good." Wario began to walk slower, for no reason. "Give me some salami."

Waluigi, thinking very hard about sex, misconstrued his order with that of his juicy man salami. With a quick jerk, he gave Wario his salami. Wario did not take to it.

"Hot damn!" He yelled. Then he calmed…and…he…sighed with pleasure.

Waluigi sighed with greater pleasure. "Oh…that was great…"

"Yeah…I mean…No! That was crap! It will never happen again!" Wario ran (Slowly, because of his shape) back to the house and drank himself to sleep. Waluigi sighed and slept without his dosage of alcohol.

* * *

Everyone collected their next slip of paper telling them where the next race would be. They were excited. So excited. And then they died, but not really. So, there are kinda less than twenty racers less, so no one is eliminated. And they may have to hook up with new partners…but that will happen later.

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry for the huge delay, but I am trying to work on a lot of crap (AKA school papers) and this technically comes second to English class! But…I want you to know…that…I…love you! No, I lust for you!

Not really! HAH! I joked you! Meaning! Is! Something! That made no sense…


End file.
